A look back at the humble beginnings of a copywriter.

My early career was defined by my role as a beekeeper of sorts.

On Twitter, just as I was the voice of Chex Mix and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, I was the voice of the Honey Nut Cheerios bee, Buzz. Somehow, it all came naturally to me, and my tenure as Buzz the Bee was extended indefinitely.

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The next logical step? Playing a cheesy explorer.

My return to mascot Twitter was marked by my time as a nameless pirate.

In addition to developing a content strategy and producing content for Pirate’s Booty, I’d have to man their Twitter account. That meant I’d have to write a lot of original pirate jokes. Some were great. Others, kinda weird.

  • Winky face or smiling pirate? ;-)

    Always smiling pirate.

  • “Whatever floats your boat…”

    Ummm, are ye talkin’ about water, matey? ;-)

  • Said hello to me old friend the ocean today. Didn’t say anything back. Just waved. Harr harr!

  • Ye’d be surprised how rarely sails are actually on sale.

  • Me and me pirate friends be old-fashioned. No texting. We speak eye to eye! ;-)

  • Friends be treasures that aren’t silver or gold… They also be treasures that don’t enjoy being buried. ;-)

  • The pirate with two hooks fears nothing… except getting something in his eyes. Harr harr!

  • I always chuckle when me pirate DVDs have anti-piracy warnings… ;-)

  • Why don’t you hear pirate knock-knock jokes?

    Because their hooks always get stuck in the door! Harr harr!

  • If ye live in a boat, how do yard sales work? Asking for a friend. ;-)

  • Why did the parrot get stuck to the pirate’s shoulder? He used too much Polly-grip! Harr harr!

  • You really have to hand it to the blind pirate… It’s either that or you risk getting hooked by accident. Harr harr!

  • Pirate jokes rarely land... In fact, they usually SAIL over people’s heads! ;-)

  • A pirate walks into a barrr... because of his poor depth perception. Harr harr!

  • Ye think Davy Jones has ever forgotten his locker combination? #DeepPirateThoughts

  • Me pet goldfish is always givin’ me side-eye… Well, I guess it’s not her fault. ;-)

  • "Can you keep an eye on me hook?” I’d rather not… That didn’t end well last time. ;-)

  • If ye haven’t tried to parallel park a pirate ship, ye haven’t lived! ;-)

  • Some folks get queasy as they start reciting the alphabet. Those poor souls suffer from C-sickness! Harr harr!

  • I once met a pirate who had no nose. People asked me, "how did he smell?”

    “Terrible,” I'd tell 'em! Harr harr!

  • Be sure to bring a really long straw if ye ever sail the Hi-Cs! Harr harr!

  • Ask me about how I get half-off all my visits to the eye doctor! ;-)

  • Pirate Pro Tip: Put a Santa hat on yarrr pirate flag and it be an instant holiday decoration—the Holly, Jolly Roger! ;-)

  • Jolly Roger must’ve been the happiest pirate there ever was… Even as a skeleton, he be all smiles! Harr harr!

  • Pirates don't just have soulmates... They have soulmateys! Harr harr!

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